im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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