dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize