If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
