Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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