You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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