i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
