Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
