Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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