so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
