So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
