She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
