rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
