My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize