He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
