i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
