I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
