Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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