Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
