party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Boobs are out for the taking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize