It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
