it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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