He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
