My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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