I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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