allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
