Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the day after is always just damage control
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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