If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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