she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
