I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
