So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
