He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize