i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
