I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
