??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
