i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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