You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
