so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
