I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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