every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
