areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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