Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize