pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
