Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
