I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pants are for mortals
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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