oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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