I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
