lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
