It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
