I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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