I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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