I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
love makes seman taste better
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
