My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
