Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
