I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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