WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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