I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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