Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
