my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
