oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
