If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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