you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
