lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
