if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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