drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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