haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
