Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
