____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
