We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
