yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
