No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
